I have enjoyed this short Summer Series “Becoming One In A World of Two” so much! And today, I am sharing with you my final post for it! Touching on something that is a big factor on becoming one with your husband!
The Influence You Keep
Did you know your marriage is only as strong as the influence you keep?! With that being said, it is CRITICAL that you are careful of what influences you allow in your marriage! From the best friend who always has your side, your over-opinionated families, Hollywood’s point of view, and many more…your marriage will be an uphill battle if you allow the wrong influence.
3 Powerful ways Influences Impact Your Relationship
- They will either speak truth or breathe lies to you. Shaping your mood/opinions towards your husband & your marital foundation.
- Influencers will plant seeds of desires in your heart/mind that will determine your actions.
- Will either encourage or discourage you in your dreams for your marriage.
Don’t let Negative Influences into your marriage!
There are a lot of times that we do not even realize the negativity that we are surrounded in. But believe me…it makes an impact! I am not going to geek out on you all the neuroscience behind how your brain works. But trust me when I say, negative influences mentally rewire your thinking! And if you are a proactive wife looking to have the healthiest marriage you can…you want to stay far away from negative influences!
So what do some of these influences look like?
The Hidden Negative Influences
Sugar Coated “goodness”
You know that best friend you love…that always “has your back”? I am going to be honest if her having your back is more of her agreeing to everything you say…she is not the influence you need! Keep her as a best friend…sure! Talk to her about challenges within your marriage…NO! By her constantly agreeing with you, she is confirming lies you might be telling yourself an is obviously biased!
The “Innocent” Comparison Game
Social Media couples… Ya, you know those ones living it up on vacay 300 days out of the year couples! STOP IT! Unfollow them! What good are they bringing you? If they have you feeling like your marriage is somehow missing out because it doesn’t look like theirs, this is a NEGATIVE influence and you need to cut that follow cold turkey!
What you hear and see. Hollywood has such a great way at glamorizing everything! Including thinking patterns, ideas, and behaviors that are DANGEROUS for marriages! Be aware of the shows you are watching over and over. Do not let their ideas & desires eventually become yours. Especially how you treat your husband! Again there is a lot more science behind what you are allowing your brain to receive than what you realize!
The “Unavoidable” Negative Influences
Families! They are unavoidable to some degree. But you have to remember within families that ground rules are necessary. And really talk to your husband about being on a united front. Family members have a way of being able to create sparks in marriage (not the good kind), so tread lightly and look to see how the influences of your family are either positive or negative on your relationship. Especially your dreams as a couple!
So now that we have covered a handful of negative influences… let’s chat about the RIGHT influence!
If I were you, I would purge out any negative influence you have in your marriage and seek ONLY positive ones!
Where can you find positive influences?
Your Daily Intake
Change your social media and big screen/music habits and make sure you are only feeding your mind positive thoughts on marriages and how to handle relationships! Look for insta feeds that are looking to encourage you in your marriage and not get you to want what they have! Find TV shows/movies where the wife is an example and not a nightmare.
It might sound weird, and you do not have to use that term, but you need to take time and really start seeking out a woman who can give you direction/encouragement when you need it. Someone who has had a long marriage is ideal but not necessary. No matter her marital length, she must be wise in the advice she gives! Someone who sees both sides of the story and is willing to speak truth to help your marriage grow.
Some indicators to determine if she will be a good mentor?
She will have humility & patience. She should be slow to respond as she considers the situation. Has curiosity and may ask additional details so that she has enough information to give her conclusion. BUT she will not dig too deep, as a great mentor is not one for gossip and juicy details. She simply should want enough information to form her unbiased opinion. She should ask about your behaviors and emotions on the situation and offer kind words of wisdom that will give you empowerment to own your actions.
You can also take to books if you are a reader (and audiobooks if you are not). There are TONS of great books with relationship advice! And to be honest I have found some of the BEST marriage advice right at home in my fuzzy socks eating ice cream!
Now I am not sure where your faith level is, but I know to have a solid marriage, I have to have a foundation on more than just an opinion of what society says marriage is. I need a foundation that is NEVER CHANGING. So whenever I am looking to up my wife game or work through a challenge- I turn the pages in my bible to see what the God (who created marriage in the first place) has to say! When kept in context, the bible hands-down has the most honest and powerful advice for your marriage!
I hope these few thoughts hit home somewhere! And I hope even more so, you take this little handful of advice and look to see where it would best be cultivated in your life.
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