So far in this series, we have worked solely on ourselves. We touched on subtracting our own selfishness, owning our actions/reactions and not our husband’s, and self-care. Next up…making sure needs are taken care of. Now I know, this is elementary. Thankfully marriage isn’t rocket-science! But this key step in becoming one is nutritionally lacking in marriages. So today we are getting back to basics!
What can happen if needs are not met:
- Lack of needs being met will cause a drop in motivation to meet the other’s needs.
- Overtime bitterness & resentment can set in.
- The one lacking in needs is more easily tempted by others offering to fill that need. DANGER ZONE no matter what this need is!
I do not know about you, but those 3 reasons give me the motivation to not only meet my husband’s needs but to fully communicate my needs as well!
Remember your Vows!
More than likely your wedding officiant asked you if you took your spouse in sickness or in health, for richer or poorer. There is a reason for this! It covers the EXTREMES! Let’s be honest, meeting needs is easy when it is all unicorns and butterflies! Which is why it is so critical to not let your circumstances dictate communicating/fulfilling each other’s needs.
To help this process along without writing a book….here are the:
3 Simple Steps For Meeting Your Marital Needs
Understand & Communicating Your Needs To Your Husband
Needs come in many different sizes. Some smaller/less urgent, while others should be a top priority. From the support, you may need to prevent burn out, to the love language that is your biggest love tank filler…you have several key needs. And let’s face it! Husbands are not blessed with the capability of mind reading! Even though we often times expect it…unfortunately, that is not a magical power that they possess. So communication of your needs is necessary.
Understanding His Needs (Without Judgement)
This might not be as easy as you think! And it will take you initiating communication. Please do not be that wife that “thinks” she knows every need based-off her own observation. The problem here is that it is HER observation, not his!
A good place to start is understanding his Love Language (be sure to test yours out too if you do not know it). Again, asking him to take the test not assuming you know what it is. (Just because he enjoys intimacy does not mean physical touch is his love language! Been there…done that…don’t assume!)
Another great place to start is by asking him daily/weekly what is something that you can do for him that day. This little tidbit will help you start to see things that are helpful in supporting your husband. It is also beneficial if your husband does not love having in-depth conversations on what his needs are. 😀
Now that you know his needs- be sure to not pass judgement! His needs should never be looked down upon as “not as important” as one of your needs. Fulfilling his needs is about setting aside your thoughts/ideas and accepting his.
Step 3. (And possibly the most important)
As we have gone through this series you have probably noticed by now, I speak directly to the wife. This is because change always starts within us. If your needs are not being met (and you have communicated them) be sure you are not holding back from providing for his needs because of it.
I once read a book that encouraged the wife to start meeting her husband’s needs first. And over time, her husband would naturally reciprocate. I can say for a fact…this has worked in my marriage! When I focus on Gabe’s needs first, I am always surprised at how quickly he reciprocates!
The timeframe in which reciprocation starts will vary per couple (especially if the need being neglected caused any marital damage). But I do believe it is critical that wives do not expect their husband to start the cycle of meeting needs first. Again, we are only responsible for our own actions. Neglecting needs because ours is not being met is never okay if you want a healthy marriage.
Make A Difference In Your Marriage!
Your challenge this week…Go write down your 5 biggest needs (including your love language) and find out what your husband’s 5 needs are. Then (without judgement) get ready to focus on those needs! I promise…your marriage will thank you!
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