Self-Care in Your Marriage

All Posts, The Wife Life • June 19, 2019
self-care in your marriage

Alright, ladies! I know many women who need to hear this! If not for yourself, then definitely for a friend! I am hoping this post will help you get the encouragement you need to say YES to self-care!

You may be wondering, what in the world does self-care have to do with me becoming one with my husband? And if you read the first post in this series where I talk about being marriage-centered vs. self-centered, you might be wondering how to go about self-care without being selfish! The TRUTH…If you do not take care of yourself, your marriage will suffer.

Now this does not give you permission to just go buy what you want, because…well…self-care! So please do not misinterpret what we are about to walk through. I can’t have angry husbands emailing me. 🙂

Here comes the explanation!

Anytime you are neglecting a need, it is going to first negatively impact you. Then it will eventually affect your husband. You cannot have a healthy marriage if you are not attending to your self-care needs!

I hear it all the time, and I am often guilty of it myself. I don’t have time to XYZ, or I don’t want to spend the money on it because of XYZ. But let’s look at some possible outcomes of what saying “no” to self-care can actually do.

  1. It can negatively impact your mindset! Preventing you from mentally being present when with your husband.
  2. It can negatively impact your mood! Creating unnecessary tension or stress in your marriage.
  3. It can negatively impact your health! Leading you down a challenging road later in life. Causing struggles that could have been avoided if you would have prioritized self-care earlier in your life.

After seeing how neglecting self-care can impact your marriage, I think it is fair to say if you are neglecting self-care, you are neglecting parts of your marriage!

My Self-Care Ah-Ha Moment!

Real life Confession! My most recent “No” & why it turned into a “yes”!

I have really high arches in my feet. And for the past two years, when I would crawl into bed, all I could think about was how much my feet hurt!

I found myself rubbing my feet nightly and researching bunions at the age of 30! (Not the most romantic reading material when your husband asks you what you are doing.) After some research with my good friend Dr. Google, I started looking into shoes that were more advanced than the flip flops I was currently sporting. But it did not take long to see the hefty price tag! (PS if you know me well, you know we are currently rocking the Dave Ramsey snowball, so this decision was a big one to consider!)

Do you want to know what won me over? The thought of what happens if I do not get these shoes! I could look at foot surgery 15-25 years down the road. Those aren’t easy recovery surgeries. How is that going to impact my marriage later in life if I am unable to have long endurance on my feet or worse! Then I thought about how it is affecting my relationship now?! As soon as I get into bed, my first thought is how bad my feet hurt! If my feet didn’t hurt, what would be my mood of an evening after a long day?

And you know what…I quickly realized that I had put my self-care aside, and if I did not do something about it, it could negatively impact my marriage! So Yes, I bought the shoes! And YES, it has already shown up in the short term health in my marriage because my mindset is no longer hurting feet at night!

Your Feet are great… Awesome! But what about __?

Maybe you are having some self-care issues as well, but you have fantastic feet! Don’t underestimate the little things that matter! Whatever it is in your life that you are putting aside because you are too busy or because you are not sure if you want to invest money in, you need to consider how that could potentially impact your marriage.

You cannot be one with your husband if you are lacking in your self-care! Just as you would not expect him to suffer from self-care needs, you should not either. Don’t try and be a superhero and think that you can go without it!

Some examples of self-care to get you thinking!

Maybe you have been carrying around a burden you haven’t shared with your husband because you know it is a “girly issue” that you would rather talk to your best friend about. Find the time and pick up the phone or better yet, go see your bestie and get that mental health self-care worked out!

Maybe you are a new mom who needs a shower that lasts longer than 90 seconds (without the stress of wondering if your newborn is okay)! Maybe your self-care looks like treating yourself to a weekly time where you can grab your favorite body scrub, crank up the music and take a long shower! Even if it means a friend coming over to help in the middle afternoon or at 6:30pm when your husband gets home from work!

Maybe your schedule is so crazy that you do not get the recommended amount of sleep you need for your body to feel it’s best! GIRL! What are you doing?! Do whatever it takes to get the much-needed rest your body needs! Just because your 4th cup of coffee at 6pm is keeping you going strong, does not mean you should ignore the fact your body is screaming “just let me rest!”

And food…oh food! This is a massive battle with me, but someone needs to pull off the band-aid. If you are fueling your body with things that make you feel miserable or drains your energy vs. restores it, you are negatively impacting yourself more than you think. It may not appear when you step on the scale, but if you are feeling sluggish, how is that changing your mood? And how is that mood impacting your husband?

What self-care might you be neglecting?

There are so many self-care things we could talk about. And everyone’s self-care will look a little different. But at the end of the day you need to kindly ask yourself, is this something that I should give myself grace on? Or is this something that is genuinely self-care and going to negatively impact my marriage if I do not tend to this need.

If you had time to read this post, you had time to sneak in some self-care! This week’s challenge, is to find what areas of self-care you have been neglecting and do what you can to get those needs taken care of! Not only will you feel your best, but your marriage will too!

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