Learn The Most Powerful Marriage Skill

All Posts, The Wife Life • June 11, 2019
Becoming One in your marriage wife advice

Last post we discussed what you needed to subtract from your marriage so that you could prepare yourself for becoming one with your husband. And today…you are going to learn not only how you can allow yourself to become one with your husband, but how to tip the marriage happiness scale while you do it! I hope you are ready…as this is a pretty powerful skill to have! But, I must warn you…it isn’t always easy!


I wrote a blog post a while back about dating my husband for a year. If you read that post you might remember that I was pregnant with our second daughter! As you can image…dating was far from our minds. What I did not share was that I was upset with Gabe for us not dating!

Like many women I began blaming my husband! Of course it was his fault for us not dating! I can’t imagine why my signals of nausea, bedtime at 9pm and frequent complaining of how my clothes did not fit, was not giving him a big enough hint that I wanted to go out! (Poor Guy!)

It was that night laying in bed, tears streaming down my face (while my hormones were somewhere in left field), that I realized I had a choice! Gabe was not the only one who could initiate dating! I had the power of choice to ask my husband out. I had the option to respond positively! It was myself that had the power to create a healthier/happier marriage!

Wives, can we have an honest moment together? It is so easy to let our emotions deceive us into believing we have no choice in our behavior. But if there is one thing to remember throughout your marriage, it would be this: you are 100% responsible for your actions/reactions and 0% responsible for your husband’s actions/reactions.

“Becoming one with your husband is not about what we think he should do or how he should respond. But it is about taking ownership over our own behaviors!” 

Let’s dig a little deeper! To truly live this out, you must take ownership of every single verbal and non verbal action/reaction towards your husband! This truth shows that you truly have 100% ownership in becoming one with him. And are you ready for the hard part? This means that NO matter what your husband says or does, you are not accountable for his decisions and words. You are only accountable for what you can control within yourself! So what does this look like?

Freedom in Ownership

Since you are not accountable for his behaviors you should feel freedom from the pressure of having to nag & force a particular outcome! When you accept that you are only responsible for your actions, you free yourself from “needing” to judge your husband! You can end the comparison game! And you are able to surrender any attempts to change/control your husband!

Wives! This should take a lot of weight off your shoulders if you have carried his ownership around! BUT this might also shed light in areas of your life where you respond/react on emotion instead of responding through love! Especially during challenging times!

As you start to reflect what this looks like in marriage, I would love to share a few simple steps in how you can start to own your 100% and get closer to becoming one with your husband. And I promise, if you can learn this skill and apply it to your marriage…your husband & marriage happiness scale will thank you for it! 

The Most Powerful Marital Skill: Staying Marriage-Centered While Owing your 100%

Step 1: Awareness!

Okay, so there I was pregnant, going to the bathroom for the millionth time and watching Gabe restfully sleep! I was feeling pretty negative towards him that night and mentally waging the silent war. BUT then I pinpointed my negativity I felt towards him, and I became clearly aware that it was not his actions that I should be judging but my own!

Pinpoint moments that have you considering negative responses. 

  • Any time you feel negative towards your husband, ask yourself why and look to see how you can change it!
    • Just because he may act negatively towards you does not mean it is okay for you to respond back the same! *
    • And just because you have a hard day, does not give you permission to have a less than loving attitude towards him. (I know it is elementary but it is a lot harder said than done.)

Step 2: Make a positive/happier/healthier choice!

Instead of secretly being upset with him because we weren’t dating, I changed my response! I chose to react in a positive manner. Gabe honestly had no idea that I was upset with him during those few weeks. I could have continued being secretly upset with him, sabotaging our happiness scale…our “oneness”. But, I selected a more positive/happier/healthier choice! And it was one of my BEST decisions ever! In that moment I OWNed my reaction. Instead of trying to tell Gabe he should be asking me on dates, (trying to dictate his actions which I have no control over) I choose to control my actions.   This resulted in a true change. Not just a one time nagging change!

  • Next time you feel negativity building up, and you took step one to uncover why you are frustrated, look to see what your “good, better, best” options of response are! (HINT! Chose the BEST option for your marriage!)
    • This might mean you are first to apologize for your wrong emotional responses. Even when he was in the wrong with his behavior first!
    • This might mean you spend a few days considering what you have been mad at him for. Then see what ownership you have to change the circumstance or how you feel about it.
  • To completely master this skill, you have to be disciplined enough to put emotion aside! To be marriage-centered and not self-centered. And believe me…no wife is perfect in this as we are all human! BUT the more you intentioanlly work at it, the closer you will become with your husband!

Don’t Underestimate Your Power

There are many times we underestimate the power we have in a relationship. We minimize the amount we can improve our marriage. Like me, you probably have had moments in your marriage in which you could have made better choices in your own actions/reactions. Every day we are presented with opportunities that can impact our ability to grow closer as one, or create distance as two. When we OWN our 100%, we are actively choosing to become one with our spouse!

Did you like this post? Curious on the Benefits to owning your 100%? Don’t want to miss out on upcoming WifeLife posts?! We love to share WifeLife tips and encouragement 1-2 times a month in your inbox! Sign up for Free Here!

Curious on how you can tip your marriage happiness scale even more to become one with your husband? Be sure to check out how to prioritize your husband here

how to have a healthy marriage

*Disclaimer: Pease note this post is not referencing marriages in extreme situations where there is domestic violence. This post is in reference to marriages where abuse is not present. If you are a wife that is experiencing domestic violence or any other harmful behaviors in your marriage, please consult with your local authorities and/or domestic violence centers. And please know that we have been praying for any wives that may come across our blog post in these situations.

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