All Posts, Proverbs 31, The Wife Life

June 20, 2018

Wives: 3 Ways to Build Marital Trust, Proverbs 31:11

“The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain.” Proverbs 31:11 NKJV

Last week we tackled the thought of being worth far more than rubies. This scripture gives us a little more insight into how to be of that much worth. I specifically like this verse as a wife; however, it can be quite intimidating. Let’s break this down into a two-part message.

  1. To be a wife of noble character, we need to ensure our actions and words never breach our husband’s trust
  2. When a man fully trusts his wife, he knows that he will not miss out of any positive gain in his marriage. Which is a nice bonus for us! (Don’t worry I cover the perks in part two!)

Let’s tackle part one first!

 

3 Ways to Build & Maintain Trust:

  • Honesty
  • Transparency
  • Avoiding Tempting Situations

 

Honesty:

Sounds like it is a no-brainer but, I know many of women who are not honest with their husbands. What dangerous territory! What might seem small can quickly get out of hand. It does not have to be anything BIG! This could be as small as a husband who asks- did you by chance to go by the bank. His wife quickly responding, “yes” knowing she forgot- but thinking she will just swing by in the morning.

Sacrificing honesty to avoid reaction or refusing to admit wrong is never a good idea! The moment a husband finds his wife being dishonest, regardless of the reason,  she starts to lose points within his heart. Lost trust can be regained -but- it is a battle harder to win than just staying honest in the first place.

Transparency:

The fun one! For us wives that feel it is okay to “omit” small details or even worse, omit situations entirely. This happens in a few ways.

  • Omit Details:
    • We might avoid telling him details because we are not sure what his reaction will be or maybe we don’t want him to think of us in a certain light.
      • Negative Impact:
        • When we omit details, we are telling our husbands that we do not trust him enough to give him the full scoop.
        • He will start to wonder if we are telling him everything there is to know about other things.
  • Mind Reader
    • The classic case of choosing not to tell him something on our minds, but expecting him to know exactly what we are thinking! (Did you miss my blog on how to Own Your 100%? It provides a two-step system to overcome this challenge!)
      • Negative Impact:
        • We end up mentally driving ourselves into frustration. This can have a huge negative impact on relationships, especially if he has no idea why we are acting the way we are. There is no acting “normal” when we are mentally waging war against our husbands!
        • Our husbands cannot fully trust us if we can’t be transparent about our feelings. Being able to express (in the most positive, non-attacking way) is much healthier than being angry inside.
        • This activity sends a clear message to our husbands that we doubt them as a spouse with an ability to understand our point of view, frustrations, or wants.

 

Avoiding Tempting Situations:

When we marry our husbands, we commit a lifetime to him. That is a BIG commitment and one that should not be taken as a simple contract to be roommates. We are dedicating our love, faithfulness and promising to give our best (even during his worst). Part of that means it is not in our best interest to be in a situation that could cause doubt. It is best for us to avoid any temptation, keeping our marriages healthy, and allowing our husband to have full trust in their wives.

Now, of course, the obvious is faithfulness. But there are a lot of us women that fall into other categories and plead not serious.

“nonserious” situations…

What about using the excuse “I’m too tired” when you should have said “no” to things on your to-do list? Prioritizing your energy towards your relationship and avoiding the temptation of perfectionism in the never-ending to-do-list. Or how about the way we spend money? Retail therapy or impulse shopping anyone?!

I will be honest, I easily can overspend at the grocery store! Yes, we can adjust our budget elsewhere and everything is okay so it may not seem like it could be that big of an offense. The truth…it is bad financial stewardship. Even more, I can add on lack of transparency around overspending in groceries! (Justifying is one of my strong suits!)

Now we know grocery shopping is necessary for those of us who like to survive by eating. BUT, I have found ways to avoid temptation and be a better steward of finances. I now pay a $5 service fee to do my grocery shopping online and have it delivered to my car. Avoiding the instore temptation where I would spend $10, $30 or $60 over budget just because I am tempted to buy “the sale, candy bar or another little gadget”.

Avoiding situations that could cause our husbands to doubt, and damage his trust, is a great proactive practice for any marriage!

Part two…Perks! 

So wives of noble character, if we proactively seek out the first part of this verse, we will reap the reward of the second half. “So he will have no lack of gain.” Our husbands’ will value us, knowing that nothing will be lacking in which he entrusted us with. Rather it is finances, children, family vacations or even his deepest dreams!

You know what is great about living in a marriage where our husbands can trust us with their whole heart? We get to live honestly! Without hiding things and worrying about “if he finds out”. Living freely in our marriage is one of the biggest rewards we can give ourselves!

 

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