3 Things You’re Not Doing During Your Season of Engagement…But Should! (Hint…it has nothing to do with your wedding!)
CONGRATS! You are about to be a future Mrs! There is so much excitement floating around your ring finger, and you probably have done a million happy dances by now! Before you get too caught up in this season of wedding planning, there are 3 things you are going to want to do before you get married! (Sorry, Vegas is not on this list!)
Your wedding is a day, but your marriage is a lifetime! After your wedding, you have your photos, husband and these 3 tips! Be sure to put these tips into practice, so that you can start your wife life with a firm foundation!
Before Getting Married…
#1 Seek Wisdom
As soon as you became engaged, you started receiving advice…some wanted and some…not so much! It seems like everyone (you do and do not know) have an opinion surrounding your big day!
BUT few are probably trying to give some heart to heart advice on stepping into the role of a wife. My biggest advice…try to find a few wives that have had long marriages and get their insights! I promise you are going to hear stories that are going to make you laugh, possibly make you cry and most importantly give you the encouragement you may not realize that you need!
Asking an elderly lady at church or even your grandma could really give you insights into things that honestly go into making a marriage last! I am amazed at how quickly these women open up! Simply start by asking them how they met their husband or what their wedding planning was like. (I just love that after all these years they still smile when asked!) Those conversation starts can lead you down multiple rabbit holes! Taking you through their years of marriage and the ups and downs they experienced!
And although this may not apply to you right now, I promise there will be times in your marriage that you will come across a path, and you will hear the advice that was shared in the beautiful conversation you had. And that advice will make a difference in your marriage!
#2 Proactive Strategy
Commit to how you are going to be proactive in your marriage. I was surprised to see how little amount of time wives spend dedicated to their husbands weekly. I ran an anonymous poll last year and was saddened to see that most wives were not even spending 1% of their time dedicated to their husband! The same wives that found hours upon hours to plan their wedding just a few years ago could not even find 2 hours a week to commit to their husbands. (New jobs, hours flex, children come into the picture and before you know it…your time is all spent!)
Some insights from my marriage…
The heartbreaking truth: 50% of marriages end in divorce! Knowing that as a wife, I ask myself how not to become another statistic, and I have faith that you can beat those odds as well! There are 4 ways I commit to being proactive in my marriage:
- Dating Gabe weekly. (In-home dates count! Two littles do not make it easy but we make it happen! Prioritize your marriage even when you are exhausted from a long day’s work, and crazy toddlers!)
- I focus on speaking his love language daily!
- Reading marriage books. (I never loved reading books until I got married. I have read many books that have shaped my wife life & strengthened our marriage! If you like to read, I recommend some great books in my post 5 Things To Do In Your First 5 Years of Marriage.)
- I do my best to live selflessly because that is what love is really all about.
It is so easy for us to say “divorce will never happen to us. Our love is stronger than that, we are 100% committed.” But successful marriages do not naturally occur, they need some TLC. Stay ahead of the game, and plan to be proactive vs. reactive.
#3 Find Common Ground
Tackling the “we will figure it out later” categories! These topics can quickly cause significant issues in your marriage! Religion, child-raising and budget spending are just some to name a few. I am not saying to plan out the exact details while you are engaged, but you do need to find comfortable common ground.
Please do not assume that your husband will automatically change his way of thinking after a few years when the issue is then pressing. Of course, love has a lot to do with staying together! But a couple that is great at respecting each other and finding common ground when they disagree…will create a healthier marriage.
As you go through your season of engagement, I hope it is an amazing one! Not only are you going to piece together a beautiful wedding day, but a strong foundation for your marriage!
Curious about what to do in your first 5 years of marriage to build your foundation? You can check it out here!