“She brings him good, not harm,

All the days of her life.”

Proverbs 31:12 (NIV)

This scripture is pretty straightforward. A wife that is worth far above rubies would bring her husband good all the days of her life! In fact, I genuinely believe if we take this verse to heart, and put it into practice every day…we would have a lower divorce rate! Welcome to WifeLife the Best Wife!

It is true that we enter into marriage only wanting the best for our spouse, but over time our agendas start to shift back and center around ourselves. Creating opportunities that we may not realize is bringing him harm.

As this is our third post in the Proverbs 31, Wife of Noble Character series, we can see two things:

1. This kind of wife is hard to find (another perspective: this wife is also hard to become). She is worth far more than rubies. Proverbs 31:10
2. Before anything else in her daily life is shared, we know that her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. AND we see how she treats her husband! Proverbs 31:11-12

Out of the 21 verses in this passage, her relationship with her husband is mentioned right after her worth, and before children, home responsibilities, and career. This is very important and something I do not want you to miss! When we marry, we make a lifetime commitment. Besides the decision of eternal salvation, marriage is the longest commitment you will make! It makes sense, that to make a lifetime commitment work, we would need to make it a #1 priority over children, homemaking, and career. Thank goodness I am a mom with a full-time job, to be able to say that with confidence wholeheartedly!

So, wives, it is time to take a look and see if we are bringing our husbands good and not harm.

Let’s first talk about doing good for our husband! Bringing our husbands good and not harm, is a daily choice. In my marriage, I have a simple good, better, best wife thought process to try and bring Gabe as much good as I can every day!

good. Better. BEST Wife!

This strategy is simple (but not always easy: again, think rubies, think being the best wife!). You mentally take what you want your initial action/response (both verbal & nonverbal) to be and reflect on it. Is it good? How can it be better? Is it your best? Hint: Choose your best every time, and you will not regret it! (Don’t worry I am going to pair this strategy with a scenario towards the end!)

How We Bring Him Harm?

Now you might think, you do not bring your husband harm. Let’s cover a few major bases just in case!

Verbal

• Words
  • Your choice of words can have a significant impact on our husbands.
  • Do you use words to build him up? Or tear him down?
  • Is your word usage positive or negative?
• Tone
  • Do you have a calm tone during heated moments?
  • How often do you choose positive tones over negative tones
  • Do you use sarcastic tones to excuse word usage?
• Voice
  • Do you raise our voice or maybe refuse to speak?
  • How often do you sigh while giving a response?

Non-verbal

• Body Language
  • What is your approachability?
  • Are you using harsh hand movements while talking?
  • What about your facial expressions?
• Distractions
  • Does he have your attention? (Looking at phone)
  • Are you mentally present? (Thinking of your to-do list or what to say next?)

Physical

• Health
  • If you do the meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking, are you serving healthy meals/snacks to ensure a healthy body? (I type this as I am eating an ice-cream bar, so please know I am far from perfect!)
• Exercise
  • Does your husbands want to work out, but you encourage him to hang out with you instead?  Or if it is opposite and he does not exercise, do you try and find weekly dates or hobbies that keep him active? (Notice I did not encourage you to nag or criticize him.)
• Domestic Violence
  • Now majority of wives this will not be you, but it is a serious one so of course, it makes the list! Are you hitting or throwing things at your husband? Pillow “fights” are allowed, anything else is not okay!

Mental

• Emotion
  • How do you make him feel?
  • Are you intentional to turn is mood around when he is feeling down?
• Support
  • How are you supporting him in his daily needs and future goals?
  • How are you showing him that you are his #1 fan?
• Love
  • What is his love language? Are you using it to communicate to him?

Now that you have read through and reflected on the above questions. Let’s put the good, better, best wife strategy into play with the scenario below!

Scenario Using Good, Better, Best!

The wife is anxiously awaiting her husband’s arrival. This is the first night she has had time to make a home cooked meal this week. The Husband text his wife 20 minutes after he was supposed to be home to let her know he has to work later than expected.

She initially wants to respond back in frustration and express how much hard work she put in for tonight’s dinner. She considers, is it a good response? Not really…

What is a better reply? Maybe one that will not make him feel like he just ruined her night? So she thinks to respond with a simple okay and ask what time he thinks he might make it home. This is the better response. BUT is it her BEST wife response?

Now she starts to contemplate, how she can bring her husband good with her response. She observes that he did not intentionally try to be late and he has no idea of the work she has done. She considers that he is probably tired and ready to leave the office and wants to be home just as bad as she wants him there. So she uses her BEST wife response and tells him not to worry! Thanks him for letting her know, and shares that she can’t wait to see him, as she has a special meal ready for him when he gets home!

The good, better, best wife strategy is golden!

Choosing to bring your husband good and not harm all the days of your life will make a significant difference in your marriage! It will help you to accomplish owning your marriage happiness scale & being the best wife!

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